Resolve a Conflict, Heal a Relationship...

It's a generational strategy - a story

A friend of mine, Sam Williams, jotted down the basic components of the NVC model on a three by five card, which he would use as a "cheat sheet" at work. When his boss would confront him, Sam would stop, refer to the card in his hand, and take time to remember how to respond. When I asked whether his colleagues were finding him a little strange, constantly staring into his hand and taking so much time to form his sentences, Sam replied, "It doesn't actually take that much more time, but even if it did, it's still worth it to me. It's important for me to know that I am responding to people the way I really want to." At home he was more overt, explaining to his wife and children why he was taking the time and trouble to consult the card. Whenever there was an argument in the family, he would pull out the card and take his time. After about a month, he felt comfortable enough to put it away. Then one evening, he and Scottie, age 4, were having a conflict over television and it wasn't going well. Finally Scottie piped up, "Daddy, get the card." *

As adults we may struggle with the shift in habits of language. The beauty is that if we persist our children will naturally recognize what works and what doesn't work.
Persist.

* Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Compassion
© Marshall B Rosenberg, 1999 - Available from your local bookstore
Reprinted with permission of PuddleDancer Press.
for more information visit www.CNVC.org and www.NonviolentCommunication.com