Resolve a Conflict, Heal a Relationship...

Quick and easy exercises for connecting to other's needs

Here are some quick and easy exercises you can try to help you connect to another person with empathy when tensions rise. They follow the age-old adage of putting yourself in another's shoes before judging them.

1) Think of a conflict you are having or have had. Remember what it felt like. Remember what the other person was saying and doing that was difficult for you.
Now, put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Be that person.

You are that person: What are you feeling?
You are that person: What do you need?
You are that person: What are you thinking?

Now put yourself back in your own shoes. Was there anything familiar to you when you were in the other person's shoes? Can you guess what they might be feeling and needing? Can you empathize with their feelings and needs, if not their action?

2) Again, think of a conflict. What action or statement did this person do or say that triggered your distress? Next, recall a time that you said or did something similar to someone. Remember what it was like for you.

What were the feelings underlying your words or action?
What were your needs that were not being met?
What were you thinking to yourself?

Now put yourself back in the current conflict. Can you guess what this person might be feeling and needing right now? Can you empathize with those feelings and needs, if not their action?